I just read your story. I pretty much grinned stupidly the whole time, awash in the genuine pulp fantasy/Vancian vibe. Well done.
Wasn't sure at first, since you used a bunch of words or names created specifically for your story that aren't really explained but by the end they didn't detract from the plot and added a bit of mystery (like the Mindlords really seem scary). The length of the piece was just perfect. I recently got the Roll the Bones fiction anthology from Fight On! and some of the stories are just a bit too long for my taste.Should have guessed the end but didn't. You got me ;)
I thought it was well done, Al. You evoked a distinct world without devolving into lengthy exposition. I enjoyed the hints of 'otherness' mentioned by Dom. And I only figured out the plot in the last paragraph! A job well done ...
I read the story and I thought it had all the right notes. Thanks for sharing it. The end WAS a surprise for me too. Well done. I liked the use of strange and unknown words to evoke the mood. The reader can infer the words to mean what they'd like.
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it!