Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The Beyond (or "ouch, that was my eyeball!")
I've been enjoying the TCM Underground series of films, schlocky sci-fi (like the recent and always enjoyable Galaxy of Terror), horror, suspense, and other oddities that show every Friday around 2am (I dvr them). Last night I witnessed the horror of The Beyond.
This is either the best horror film ever, or the most bizarre use of film since Manos: The Hands of Fate. At any rate, a psychotherapist could have a field day with this one - the director seems to have a deep-set hatred of the human face. 90% of the killings in the film are done via serious truama to the face. A hand will reach out and squeeze a face until the eyeballs pop out. 36 gallons of acid will slowly pour out of a 1 gallon jar onto a face until it erupts into a geyser of blood. Plastic tarantulas will rip eyeballs and tongues free of their fleshy moorings. Chains will tear cheeks, dogs will tear ears, nails will push out eyeballs from behind, zombies will poke... well you get the idea. All accompanied by the most wonderfull music!
No face (or eyeball, or nose, etc) is safe from the deprivations of The Beyond!
Oh, and falls of 8 feet or less result in immediate paralysis and blood gushing from mouths. Remember that for next sessions, referees!
Somewhere amidst all the eyeball abuse is a plot about a blonde ex-exotic dancer and waitress from New York, where ghost education is mandatory ("I spent my whole life in New York and if there's one thing I learned its not to believe in ghost stories!"), who inherits an old hotel that just happens to be One Of The Seven Gates to Hell. They repeat this several times, "ONE OF THE SEVEN GATES OF HELL!", so rest assured you're only getting one seventh of the story here (I guess). Apparently hotels that are ONE OF THE SEVEN GATES OF HELL also feature flooded, cavernous basements, which was actually kind of cool.
I highly recommend viewing this movie. Preferably with a few friends and a good supply of a strong IPA.